The Dream is ALIVE

Hello blog readers!  It is September 10, 2015.  I have not posted on this blog since May.  For that I am truly sorry.  But for what I did with my time, I am not…

My life has changed drastically for the good!

  1. I enrolled in real estate school this summer and became a licensed Real Estate Agent in the state of Texas last week.
  2. I have developed a great relationship with my girlfriend
  3. I will be moving into her house and out of this apartment in the next couple weeks
  4. We went furniture shopping together.  Bought a iComfort bed that is sweet as hell!  It is remote controlled to raise the head and feet.  Wow….  We are remodeling one of her rooms to become my “Man Room”.
  5. The girls have new beds being shipped for their room
  6. My educational career is doing great.  It is paying the bills and allowing me to develop my new part time job as a real estate agent.
  7. We took family vacations to Arkansas, the beach, Austin, etc…. All with my girlfriend, her two kids and my two girls.
  8. Life is so good I just can’t help but smile

Please note that I will no longer update this blog.  I have decided to remove the veil of anonymity and direct this link to my new website and blog for real estate.  http://www.cbowie.com

If there is anyone that still reads this blog please jump over to cbowie.com and join me in my next adventure of life.

For all of you that helped me battle through the roughest point in my life…. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You and I will probably never meet.  But you are just as important to my “well being” as any real friend I have known for years.  Without your support, understanding, attention I would of never made it through the separation and divorce.  Each night that I could not sleep I always knew I had a window in to a world online that could add a balm to my anxiety.

Thank you and follow me.

Oh, yea… If you need any real estate needs please contact me!  Even in different states other than Texas.  I can get a referral fee! haha… Hope to see you on the other side.

An ESPN Peach

Can you imagine snuggling up with this lovely woman?

Britt-McHenry-350x307

Her name is Britt McHenry.  She is an ESPN sideline reporter.  If your not familiar with her read this article about her qualifications. 

Well, this past week poor little Britt got her car towed.  It happens.  To the best of us.  We run “hot” and get a little angry when this happens.  Usually we are angry with ourselves for parking illegally or whatever the situation is.  We usually just don’t get “towed” because we are following the rules.

If this was to happen… I understand a few choice words for the towing company.  Maybe even the tow-truck driver.  I might yell, “shit!!  Ah crap…. dude, please don’t tow my car!”  maybe even tell the lady taking my money to get my car outta hock, “come on lady…. give me a friggin break!  This fucking sucks.  I can’t believe you guys towed me…!”

Im brainstorming here.  Trying to think about what I would say in this situation.  I do recall being towed in college for parking illegally.  I called MYSELF a friggin idiot douche bag.   I do remember that…

What I don’t remember or can’t imagine is this video.  Listen and see how prettly little Britt handled the situation…

The Bowels of Defensive Driving

I am stuck in the middle of an online defensive driving course!  I got a speeding ticket.  Yes… I am an idiot.  My first ticket in 12 years… I wasn’t paying attention to the speed.  It was in a work-zone.  I’m a fool.

REGARDLESS…

I got a flyer in the mail for at $25 online ‘Comedy’ defensive driving course.  It is not funny.  There is absolutely zero comedy involved.

Please feel for me…

Going back to the program…

When I could I gave it my all.

Very inspirational story on E60 the other day.  This poor kid has been diagnosed with MS.  She was a former select soccer player (like my girls) and started to lose feeling in her toes, feet and then legs.  After tests she was discovered to have MS.

So what does she do?  Of course, she decided to become a distance runner throughout high school.  Truly amazing.

So next time I am feeling sad, feeling like I can’t “go” anymore.  I just need to watch this video.

All I can say is… wow

Perfection In Lyrics

It has been a busy day that ended with the Rockets losing a game they should of won to the Chicago Bulls.

I don’t really have any new inspirational thoughts today… Nothing earth-shattering has happened.   But I did make a new email friend from WAY up north… Enjoying that.

I was reading Facebook a few months back and an old high school friend that lives on the East Coast posted something that I think about every time I hear Brad Paisley’s song, Perfect Storm.

My ole buddy Chuck posted,

The single best line ever put down in song lyrics is the following….

If she were a drink she’d be single barrel Bourbon on ice.

Chuck is on to something…  I toast a high ball to you Chuck.  I miss you buddy.

August 17 – 21, 2014

Continuing the story…

T and I talk and try and work out the problems.  It is hard.  She is telling me that she has “fallen out of love” with me.  How can we continue to build our lives together if she does not “love” me anymore.  She actually said, “I like you… I just don’t have romantic feelings for you.”  How do you respond?

She tells me that her wants and desires out of life do not fit the schedule that the girls and I follow.  NO SHIT???  We only have 3.5 years left of the girls and then we are empty nesters.

We travelled down to Galveston just a few weeks prior to this to look at our future home.  We decided to buy a bay house on the water.  A canal house.  We looked and searched for the exact area.  We dreamed of parking a boat and jet skis on the canal.  When the girls had a family of their own the grandkids could come visit.  We talked about hobbies.

I spend my entire birthday this past July telling people to get me gift cards from Bass Pro Shops.  I was going to buy bay-fishing rods and reels.  Making a complete turn in my future.  Bay-Fishing was the calling.

Saltwater-Fishing

The week of August 17-21.  It begins great.  T finally agrees to see a therapist.  She is so worried that “shit will come up from my childhood”  She is scared but brave.  After the first visit she learns that she must heal herself before she can heal us.  I hear psychology talk, “We are a whole together and we can not be whole if one of the pieces is broken.”  So I leave her to heal.  Or at least attempt to.

She becomes rude… becomes angry… becomes hard to deal with.  I am not able to deal.  I get paranoid.  I get needy.  I get nervous that this is not going to work.  She tells me something for the 1st time.  She proceeds to tell me this 3 more times over the next 3 weeks until I interrupt and tell her I don’t need to hear it again.  T says, “I have been so unhappy with you that my saving grace is that I realize I am healthier than you.  I should live longer and when you die I will be happy.”  I keep remembering the song, Angry all the time.

Here we are
What is left of a husband and a wife
With four good kids who have a way of gettin on with their lifes.
Well, I’m not old,but I’m gettin a whole lot older everyday.
It’s to late to keep from going crazy, I got to get away.

The reasons that can’t stay,dont have have a thing to do with being in love.
And I understand that lovin a man should have to be this rough.
You ain’t the only one who feels like this worlds left you far behind.
i dont know why you gotta be angry all the time.

Our boys are strong, the spittin image of you when you were young.
I hope someday the can see past what you have become.
I remember everytime I said i’d never leave.
What I can’t live with is memories of the way you used to be.

The reason that I can’t stay don’t have a thing to do with being in love.
And I understand that loving a man should’nt have to be this rough.
You ain’t the only one who feels like this worlds left you far behind.
i don’t know why you gotta be angry all the time.

Twenty years have came and went since i walked out of your door.
I never quite made it back to the one i was before.
And god it hurts me, to think of you
For the light in your eyes was gone.
Sometimes, I dont know why this old world can’t leave well enough alone.

The reasons that I can’t stay dont have a thing to do with being in love.
I understand that lovin a man shouldn’t have to be this rough.
You ain’t the only one who feels like this worlds left you far behind.
I don’t know why you gotta be angry all the time.

August 20.  I come home from a hell of a day at work.  I am threatened and attacked by a crazy ass student.  18 year old gangbanger that is pissed at anyone that tells him “no”.  He is strung out on drugs and running from the lifestyle he has chosen.  I have to suspend him and he goes ballistic.  Luckily the police officer is with me and arrested the punk.  I just want my wife.  I just want to go home and tell her I’m too old for this crap.  I need to decompress with someone.  She tells me that she does not have the strength to deal with me.  She avoids me.  I have never felt more alone.

August 21.  When I walk in the door T is in another foul mood.  She won’t make eye-contact with me.  She is fussing at the girls.  Fussing at me… I finally tell her that if she is this miserable.  If the simple sight of me is that bad then she needs to go stay with her sister for awhile and heal.  She tells me that when I walk in the room it feels like all the air is sucked out.  It becomes a scary place.  WOW?  We argue.  I tell her to, “get her shit and go.”  She starts to pack.  B tells her to stay but just be nice.  I try and tell her that I do not really want her to leave.  She ignores me and tells everyone that, “I kicked her out!”

The girls and I just look at each other.  B is pissed at T.  R walks into the living room and tells me, “Dad I noticed that you guys were falling apart last year.  How did you not see this coming?”  Remember R is only 16.

This begins the downward spiral that I find myself in now.  Everytime I play that song it stings.  I remember in 2001 when it came out.  T and I made eye contact in the truck.  She teared up and looked away.  A sign back then?

to be continued…