An ESPN Peach

Can you imagine snuggling up with this lovely woman?

Britt-McHenry-350x307

Her name is Britt McHenry.  She is an ESPN sideline reporter.  If your not familiar with her read this article about her qualifications. 

Well, this past week poor little Britt got her car towed.  It happens.  To the best of us.  We run “hot” and get a little angry when this happens.  Usually we are angry with ourselves for parking illegally or whatever the situation is.  We usually just don’t get “towed” because we are following the rules.

If this was to happen… I understand a few choice words for the towing company.  Maybe even the tow-truck driver.  I might yell, “shit!!  Ah crap…. dude, please don’t tow my car!”  maybe even tell the lady taking my money to get my car outta hock, “come on lady…. give me a friggin break!  This fucking sucks.  I can’t believe you guys towed me…!”

Im brainstorming here.  Trying to think about what I would say in this situation.  I do recall being towed in college for parking illegally.  I called MYSELF a friggin idiot douche bag.   I do remember that…

What I don’t remember or can’t imagine is this video.  Listen and see how prettly little Britt handled the situation…

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Worst Break-Ups

I have been dumped a few too many times.  Its hard buts it is true.  I have also dumped a few girls in my time.  Its not so hard but its true.

The other day one of my friends on facebook posted a picture of myself and my prom date.  We are talking a long time ago.  I looked so good.  My white top hat and cane.  Ice-Cream white tux.  Dude, I rocked the prom.

I remember I was dating a girl that was a year younger.  She was a prim and proper girl.  The type you date but just don’t bring to prom.  Prom is crazy, prom is wild… We had a beach house in Galveston that night.  You have to have a date who is allowed to stay out all night.  Or one that is good at sneaking out.

Well.  As a kid my father always used to tell me, “Don’t date any girl longer than 6 weeks in high school!  High school is for practicing.  You need to have some fun and bounce around.”  I should of never listened to this bit of advice.  Truthfully, he probably told me this after having 4 too many scotches. This was just some great sounding advice that he never imagined I would take.

My prom date was a good girl.  Beautiful, fun, cute, a cheerleader, with good parents, etc…  She was not allowed to attend the Galveston after-prom festivities.  This could not happen.  I had to figure out something and figure it out fast.  My first thought was to get her drunk and just take the limo to Galveston.  I soon realized that was a crappy idea.

I started convincing myself that she was a year younger and I was leaving in June for Arkansas.  Off to college I was heading.  She would be still in high school.  This could never work.

At the prom… I won “Class Wittiest”  This was no surprise.  I was angry that I did not win “Most Popular” but I have learned to live with it along with the help of some counselors.

We then hit the dance floor and did win best dancing couple of the night.  I never knew what our prize was.

Anyways…  I walked over the assistant principal and told him I was going to dump my girlfriend.  I then told him I needed his help.  I handed the AP $60 bucks and asked him to help her.  I then went to the payphone (no cell phones back then) and called a taxi cab.  I walked over to my girlfriend and said something along the lines, “Sorry babe, I’m too cool for school and we are through… Hop in that cab and good luck with the rest of your life.”  I can’t remember the exact words I said but I’m sure they sounded worse than that to my girlfriend.

I jumped in the limo and went to another girl’s house that was a little more frisky.  Threw rocks at her window and she snuck out to Galveston with me.

This is horrible.  This is cold.  But it is true.  I often think back to how horrible I was.  I think back to how devastated she was.

Paybacks are hell.  I hope I am a better person today…

Black Shirt

Another Jeff update at his new job.

Remember the post about him buying a new wardrobe?  Well apparently he bought a new solid black shirt.

He calls me on the way home from work.  No “hello” or “how are you”.  As soon as I answer the phone with my usual greeting, “Whats up cupcake?”  He immediately starts the conversation with:

“Dude, so I go to take a shit today at work.  The bathrooms have an automatic flusher system which is pretty sweet.  EXCEPT.  You can not wear a black shirt when you sit on one of these crappers.”

I ask, “Why not?”

“Apparently, the black shirt doesn’t reflect light?  I don’t know.  All I know is that it continued to flush while I was sitting on it.  I guess the sensor thought that every time I moved with this black shirt it would flush. Each time I shifted on the toilet it would flush, when I reached for the toilet paper it flushed, I turned slightly to look at the back of the toilet and it flushed.   So…. My ass was soaking wet.  It was dripping wet when I stood up.  I had to towel off before I pulled up my slacks.”

All I could do was laugh.  And laugh I did almost all the way home.  I haven’t laughed that hard in ages.

No Regrets

2015 – The Year of No Regret

What do I expect to do in 2015?  This is a great question that requires deep thought.  The kind of thoughts that you are awaken by in the middle of a deep sleep.   I have been thinking about this post for a couple of days now.  I need to make sure that I am ready for it.

2014 was absolutely, hands down, the worst year of my life.  Period.  Plain. Simple. The Worst.

I hope it stays that way. But being “life”, I am sure it will not.  We cannot enjoy the good things in life if we don’t have the bad things to compare them too.  Does this sound a little like the Ying and the Yang?

I want to really live life. I can get corny here and sing the song, Live Like You Are Dying. I truly want to enjoy the next half of my life.

  1. Be adventurous.
  2. Meet and talk to as many people in public as I can.
  3. Sing, smile and dance more at work, at home, on the streets, everywhere.
  4. Reduce the anger with the little stuff less with the girls.
  5. Raise and love the girls correctly.
  6. Forgive my ex-wife.
  7. Play golf with my Dad at least once a month.
  8. Visit my parents more often.
  9. Experiment with new things.
  10. Date often.

I only have a simple list.  I deserve to be happy.  I deserve to spend the next 44 years or so of my life without regrets.