Black Shirt

Another Jeff update at his new job.

Remember the post about him buying a new wardrobe?  Well apparently he bought a new solid black shirt.

He calls me on the way home from work.  No “hello” or “how are you”.  As soon as I answer the phone with my usual greeting, “Whats up cupcake?”  He immediately starts the conversation with:

“Dude, so I go to take a shit today at work.  The bathrooms have an automatic flusher system which is pretty sweet.  EXCEPT.  You can not wear a black shirt when you sit on one of these crappers.”

I ask, “Why not?”

“Apparently, the black shirt doesn’t reflect light?  I don’t know.  All I know is that it continued to flush while I was sitting on it.  I guess the sensor thought that every time I moved with this black shirt it would flush. Each time I shifted on the toilet it would flush, when I reached for the toilet paper it flushed, I turned slightly to look at the back of the toilet and it flushed.   So…. My ass was soaking wet.  It was dripping wet when I stood up.  I had to towel off before I pulled up my slacks.”

All I could do was laugh.  And laugh I did almost all the way home.  I haven’t laughed that hard in ages.

Mrs. Walowitz died!!!

A television legend died today!  This is tragic news.  Big Bang Theory actress Mrs. Walowitz died.  She was the unseen voice of Howard’s mother.

Often you could hear her yelling from upstairs in that HORRIBLE voice.  I have nightmares of that voice.

Last week the girls are playing soccer against one of our district rivals on their home turf.  The parents of our girls and myself sat on the home side with the opponent’s parents.  Below us was an old lady that yelled and cheered for her team the ENTIRE game.  Her voice was rough, nasal, sounded like gravel and gave everyone a headache.

At first we were all silently cussing her because she would not SHUT UP.  By the second half of the game we were cheering her on.  It was impressive how much she cheered.  Her cheers were always super positive.  Never spoke down on the our team and really were there to motivate the opponents.

One of the mothers on our team leaned over to me and asked, “Do you watch Big Bang Theory?”  I replied that I did.  She then said, “That lady sounds EXACTLY like Mrs. Walowitz!”

I laughed for an hour.  She did.  I think she was Mrs. Walowitz.

Now today I read that she died.  Tragic.

Big Bang needs to come find this lady to fill in the role.  Nobody would ever know the difference.

Angry Women

I was talking to a new friend the other day about music.  One of those, “What type of music do you listen to conversations…?”  I mentioned that through the 90s up until today I like a lot of the woman singers out there.

Might of had a crush on Stevie Nicks back in the day.  Maybe Heart…

But as an adult I was impressed with the Alanis Morissette and Avril Lavigne type.

Today I was out surfing blogs and stopped in at one of my favorites, Harsh Reality.  (This place always makes me laugh.  Love the opinions of the Opinionated Man).  He had the following video up of Christina Perri:

Christina is one of my latest favorites.  I just love her “look”.  The tattoos, combat boots with the wedding dress.  But mostly her teeth.  I know.  That’s a weird comment.  I don’t have any teeth fetishes (not sure if there is even a tooth fetish?)  But the fact that her bottom teeth are crooked.  It just adds to her imperfections which in my opinion, make her attractive.  I’m a screwed up mess, what can I say?

Your gonna catch a cold from the ice inside of your soul. 

Power, thought provoking, deep?  Or maybe just my tooth fetish?

,

Chick In A Mustang

I have told you about Jeff in a previous post.  Jeff and I talk every morning.  He actually lives about 20 minutes south of me on the same major highway I travel down to get to work.  I don’t think we have ever seen each other on the way to work but we have been close.  As in, a few hundred feet close.  There have been times when he says, “Do you see that sweet 4×4?” and a few seconds later I catch the 4×4.

For those of you that do not know Houston and Houston traffic.  Try and imagine 6 million people driving the roads together at the same time.

Anyways…

I am talking to Jeff the other morning and I see a brand new shiny black Mustang with paper plates.  The driver of the Mustang is knock-down gorgeous.  I pass the Mustang and we both smile at each other… (well, I smile really big and cheesy and she just gives me a quick smirk).  I am talking to Jeff and tell him about her.  I learn that Jeff is only an exit north of me.

We keep driving.  The Mustang pulls away in the front.

I here Jeff scream a few minutes later and says, “I see the Mustang.. I’m slowing down to get a look at the girl.”

The next sound I hear is a huge yell from Jeff saying, “DUDE that’s a guy!!!”

I try and settle Jeff down but he is off to the races with this news.  Jeff honestly laughed so hard that I could not understand what he was saying.  I had to hang up because he would not stop laughing.

Thanks, Chick in the Mustang…  Or was she a guy?

Where has Christianity gone?

Every morning at work we say the Pledge of Allegiance and the Texas State Pledge.  Then we have a moment of silence.  A small victory for religion.  But very small.

Our society was based on a Christian model.  Our founding fathers were mostly protestant, religious men that ran from religious persecution.  They set out to make a country and a government for the people run by the people.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–

The founding fathers knew that religion was a backbone of the new country.

these men professed a belief in God as the Creator of the universe and believed that religion encouraged a moral citizenry, which they deemed essential to the success of the new republic

Okay… that’s all fine and dandy but what I see in today’s country is that people have drifted away from this belief.  People are more interested in self-serving.  They feel they are entitled.  The feel they are only to please themselves.  For the most part….

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe there are good people out there.  I still think the fight is raging.

But we need to go back to helping each other.  We need to hold each other accountable.  We need to raise our children to do the same.  The kids I am seeing today are just above savage animals.  They spit, cuss, only want money and power, look for any easy way to take it.  Nothing is earned.  Nothing is worked for.  If they don’t get respect then they fight.

I’m worried this morning about the decay of values in America.

I’ll be better tomorrow.

I found this video and started thinking about this post from another blogger, http://rodgersthat.org/2015/02/11/thats-what-god-is-for/ .

I wonder what the world would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me?

The Funniest Ad I Have Ever Seen

Oh my… This may be the funniest commercial I have ever seen. Absolutely hilarious.

“I just birthed a creamy behemoth from my cavernous bowels.” lol good stuff.

Thanks – FiftyfourandAHalf blog

FiftyFourandAHalf

I only hope my husband doesn’t think this would make an appropriate Valentine’s Day gift.

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Dressing the part

For some reason I have been thinking about clothes.  Yes, I know… This may sound strange but I was sharing a picture of my closet the other day.  I realize I have a bunch of shirts.  How many shirts does the average man have?

Please share your closet with me.  If your a working guy I would like to know how many shirts you have…

A buddy of mine, Jeff, just accepted a new job a few weeks ago.  Jeff is the guy I talk to every morning on the way to work that I talked about here.  Well one morning Jeff was telling me about his work clothing debacle.  See Jeff is a simple guy who used to work for a company in a cubical.  His cubical was in the “back” of an office and he spent most of his work-day online or on the phone dealing with clients.  Nobody really ever saw him or noticed his clothing.

His office was business casual (like most office buildings now-a-days).  Jeff explained to me that he only has a couple pairs of slacks and a few short-sleeve collared shirts… I call them golf shirts.  Well, Jeff would wear one pair of khaki-pants all week.  He would get them from the cleaners and just put them on Monday – Friday.  Of course he would take them off as soon as he got home from work each day.  They really weren’t dirty unless he sharted or some other miss-hap.  According to Jeff that only happened twice in the last couple years. (I asked).

Jeff asked if this was strange or weird.  (These are the kinds of conversations we have on the way to work).  I, of course, told him that was strange and he probably didn’t have many people talk to him at work due to him being known around the office as “smelly guy”.

Lets go back to the reason I am writing this.

Jeff has a new job that apparently is more “normal”.  There is a large office area that many people work in.  People are always trying to dress to impress.  Jeff tells me that he needs to go clothes shopping and asked me where to go.  I told him I have no clue on where to shop.  I do all my shopping online.  I point and click on what I like and it shows up in my mailbox.

The next day Jeff and I are talking and he says one of the ladies in the office shouts toward Jeff from across the break room.

“Yo, Jeff… Didn’t you wear those pants yesterday?”

Jeff stumbles and says, “Of course not…  Why would I wear pants two days in a row?”

“Those sure look like the pants you had on yesterday… And come to think of it, They look like the same ones you had on Monday.”  She continues

Jeff relays this information to me and says.  I can’t shop online I have nothing to wear tomorrow!!  I immediately ask him what he is wearing today.  haha.  He admits the same pants he has been wearing all week.

Good luck buddy. By this time my sides are hurting from laughing so hard at Jeff.  He is trying to be so serious and all I can think about is how bad he smells.

I think I’ll ask Jeff when he calls this morning how his wardrobe is shaping up.