Learning from those around me
Yesterday an old high school buddy of mine (divorced too) and I went out on what would best be described as a “Pup Crawl”. This adventure started at 10:30 AM and continued until about 8 PM. This was to be an all-day jaunt around the area. My buddy invited some others to join us along the way. But each of those individuals were like characters in my new chapter of life.
In the past I would go out in order to laugh, to act foolish, to have a good time. Lately I am not as interested at this. It is not that I didn’t have fun… Everyone knows I laughed and even acted foolish at times. My focus has just shifted.
I was watching people and observing how they interact with those around us. I want to learn why people do what they do. I tried to learn why things happen the way they do. The people I interacted with I truly wanted to know their story. I asked questions that would make people pause. The frankness the openness and honesty that I approached them was unique. I think I am living life differently because I want to learn what is next for me in the second half of my life?
It might just be as simple as I care more about the people around me.
I say this but then I remember what my buddy at work always says. “Name someone other than a family member that you actually like.” He probably knows me more than anyone at work. We talk about everything together. He is completely different than me in his race, religion, politics, economic level, etc… But he knows me well. He is correct in the fact that for the first 3 years we knew each other I was married. I did not allow people to get close to me. I have always been friendly but aloof. Why bother? I had everything I needed. Everyone thinks I like them because I act like I do. I just was not really interested in their true being.
I can’t hold this against my buddy. He sees me only at work. I am the “boss” so I have a belief system that you do not mix play with work. So, I purposely put a wall up between myself and everyone.
But lately I have been wondering if my buddy is correct. Maybe I do this outside of work too?
That leads us back to the ‘Pup Crawl’
Late in the afternoon the owner of the last pub we visit brings an older gentleman into the sitting area we had taken over. I instantly become interested in learning everything I can about this gentleman. I will call him Bob for simplicity sake.
Bob and I hit it off splendidly. I start to learn about Bob’s life, job, belief systems, etc… Bob is a “seaman”. He has a home base in Houston and one in Prog, Czechoslovakia. He has been divorced for over 30 years. He was married for almost as many. His kids are grown and older than me. Bob is 72 years old.
I do digress in the story a moment and start to think about that country song, People are Crazy by Billy Currington.
It fit exactly what was happening with Bob and I. I was waiting for Bob to give me a great nugget of wisdom like Currington sang, “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.”
What I did learn is that Bob highly recommended a few books. One is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up, by James Hollis. Bob said this book will put everything I am seeking into perspective.
So maybe my “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy” has yet to be found? Maybe I will find it in the words of Hollis?
I have a feeling that Hollis will not have as large of an impact on me as Bob the seaman did.
A few other nuggets Bob passed on to me:
- Create a budget and look at it daily. Keep every receipt and know exactly to the penny what you have at all times. (I have this one covered)
- Be selfish. Don’t be so American. Take care of you first. Imagine your drowning in the water along with another. If you don’t save yourself first you can’t save the others. (I think I’m good here)
- Embrace being alone. Solitude is good (Im learning)
- Write (I have been doing this)
- Create two homes in different parts of the world. This will allow you to flip your perspective (need to think about this. Maybe North Dakota? Lol)
- Don’t get remarried (disagree)
- Buy a sports car for fun and a regular car for daily activity. (ok, I’ll start working on this)
- Think before you talk. Pause and slow down. (Need to work on this)
What was interesting to learn, is that talking to an older guy drew the interests of a few ladies. The table next to us was a lady in her 40s and another in her early 30s/late 20s. The younger one kept smiling at me the entire time. I can see the desperation in those eyes. The loneliness, self doubt, and hurt… a longing for happiness. She was a very pretty girl that finds herself eating cake on her birthday at a bar. I had to walk past her table once to go to the restroom. Really, cake?? Like the nice guy I am I paused and asked, “Is it your birthday?” She laughed and offered me a bite. I declined (cake and beer have never been a good mix for me…. Just saying). But here I am more interested in talking to my new friend Bob than any one night stand. I have changed… As I leave the bar with Bob, I see the sadness in her dark circled eyes as I walk past telling her to order ice cream too. I’m not here to fix the sadness in those around me. Poor girl. I’m sure she is waking up in some strangers bed right now (as I type this blog entry) hoping that he will call her in the next day or two knowing he will not. Amazing how much hurt is in the world.
Bob also gave me his email and asked me to keep in contact with him once I read the book by Hollis. I will and then I will give Bob the link to this post.
Bob….If you are reading this… I was honored to meet you. Safe journeys my friend.