Writing this blog has me thinking again. This is usually when I get into the most trouble with life.
We are a couple weeks away from the court date that finalizes the end of our 21 year marriage. January 13, 2015 to be exact. No arguments, no fights, no drama. I already turned in the divorce decree, took the parenting class (mandatory in our county), and paid the court fees (not to mention my attorney fees to write the decree). All I need to do is go to court and the judge will electronically sign the decree and I can purchase a certified copy from the courts for $1.00 a page. (41 pages total) Oh joy!
This is it?
I keep watching tv shows and there is a lot of dysfunctional couples that always fight harder to win the girl back, etc…. Did I fight hard enough? Who is supposed to tell me this? But I really don’t want it back. Or do I?
I kinda like my isolation. My gut tells me to move on. I try and listen to my gut. It keeps me going forward, usually. These thoughts and emotions are raw. Exposed, isolated, but mostly just raw.
How does one know? What if I am making a mistake? Life is just a crap shoot. Roll the dice, smile along the way.
The girls went back to their mothers today. I am alone all day. No work, no responsibilities (other than taking Fred, adopted dog, out to take care of his business)… Nothing. NO noise
I miss the noise. But then again I don’t.
What stage of grief is this?
Let me go back to my life motto. You may have heard it before.
Is the juice worth the squeeze?
I honestly don’t think that if T walked to my door with her emotions exposed and begging to return to what we had before that I would take it. I don’t think the juice would be worth the squeeze.
I saw the movie, The Girl Next Door, many years ago. I watched this scene and I thought of my relationship with T at the time. I remember having to convince myself that the juice was worth the squeeze…. Then I just shook it off to everyone has small doubts. Or do they?